Country Mouse goes to the Mall

Okay, so my husband and I were discussing the other day how long it has been since I have bought ANY clothes or makeup (I am talking everything from socks to hats to shirts, etc... but excluding chap stick, which I don't count as "make up") and neither of us can recall my buying anything new since Christmas of 2008...(that's right 8) and even that was just a few dollars that I went over on a gift certificate someone gave me... I basically have not had clothes that fit for 3 years now... either too big from being pregnant (and never quite losing it all...or even close) or too small (I am still holding out that SOME day those size 4 pants will fit again!).
So I am down to two pairs of jeans that have paint spots on them, dirt stains and are increasingly getting too big as I lose the rest of baby #2 weight (or maybe they are just stretching out bad from always being worn..)and Elle tried to climb on me the other day and broke my belt, so now I am REALLY in for it! Moral of the story... I HAD to go to the mall, which I dread!!!
I went... I thought I'd get some make up too since the eye shadow color selection that my cousin gave me in SIXTH GRADE (No joke!) is down to only one color.... Elle has probably used more of this makeup in the last year than I have in the last 17! (she always looks like a chimney sweap when she's done) So... I went to the counter, there were two other girls who got there before me and just one person working the counter, so I waited. These girls were PERFECT.... we are talking size 0, hair done, nails done, cute clothes, every possible make up source  perfectly applied... the woman working the counter helped them... answered their questions, showed them choices, even came around the counter to apply the make-up on them so they could see in the mirror which they preferred.
Then it was MY turn. I was going to get bronzer (the stuff that sort of makes my Irish freckles look like a tan, rather than poke-a-dots.). She informed me that there were two to choose from. She proceeded to show me the two and say "this one is for a warmer shade, and this one is a cooler shade".... I sort of looked at her dumbfounded.... What does THAT mean!? I laughed and told her I didn't really "get it"... bless her heart, she was really trying to help me, she kept trying to give explainations as to what the colors would look like on... then it dawned on me.... BOTH the two girls before me had been enthusiastically offered to have the make up applied on them... the one right before me was even decideing between the same two items...and I was yet to have that offer....not that I really wanted it... I would feel weird to stand in the middle of the store with some stanger brushing makeup on my face... nonetheless... I made a final attempt at making a decission and looked in the mirror on the counter, hoping my reflection would inform me if I wanted "warm" or "cool"..... Yikes!!! What I saw was a history of my day.... I had shoveled out a FULL pickup truck load of sand from an old sand box, un loaded it, filled the box with a yard of garden soil, fed chickens, pulled weeds, watched two kid-o's, and went rollar bladeing.... I had a DARK DIRT SWEAT CIRCLE just bellow my hairline!!! My lips were chapped, my freckles had "popped" in the sun that day and I was of course dressed in my pants that didn't fit and a shirt that probably smelled like spit up....The poor lady probably DID NOT BELIEVE that this make-up was for me... let alone was she going to brave her brushes integrity by touching it to my face!!!!  Anyway... I chose "cool" simply because I felt like her voice influction when she stated the two options seemed to say she thought that ought to be my choice. Picked out an eye shadow and then I headed home... with no new pants or belt.... (insert wipe of brow and long sigh)....